Social Skills | Montessori Musings

By Alex Chiu

Thanksgiving is just the holiday for making connections between home and your child’s Montessori school experience. With the number of preparations involved, it’s wonderful to have extra hands helping with all of the details, and your children have a great deal to offer as helpers. Since September, they have been refining many of the skills needed to pull off a perfect Thanksgiving holiday for family and friends. Invite your child to participate in the planning and preparation. They will take pride in and feel great satisfaction in being able to contribute, and you’ll be grateful for the extra help in getting things done!

Before the Big Day

Clean: As you begin your household chores, consider what tasks can be done by your child. At school, Montessori students practice folding cloths, scrubbing tables, washing dishes, sweeping, cleaning the leaves of plants, rolling rugs, and pushing in chairs, just to name a few. See what needs to be done around the house before company arrives, and then invite your child to take on one or more of the chores that he or she can be successful in completing. Simple chores such as putting clean hand towels in the guest bathroom, organizing their toys, or pushing in the chairs around the dining room table allow even the youngest children to feel like they are making a contribution to the festivities.

Decorate: Montessori students have ample opportunity to be creative with a variety of art supplies at school. Charge your children with the task of creating table centerpieces. Encourage them to take a nature walk and collect items to use in their creations. They may also enjoy making place cards for your dinner guests. Provide them with colored paper, scissors, colored pencils, and the list of guests. To welcome visitors, you might like to spend time together making a welcoming wreath for your front door. Using a wire or grapevine wreath frame available at most any craft or dollar store, use clothespins to attach favorite photos or items from nature, or tie strips of different colored ribbons around the frame.

Set the Table: Your children are already old hands at setting the table by the time Thanksgiving rolls around. They have been setting up their lunch spaces since the start of school, and many classrooms have likely set out a “table setting” work on the Practical Life shelf, showing the proper placement of forks, knives, spoons, and napkins. If your dishes are too fragile, work together. Let your child set out the napkins and utensils while you set out the dishes and glassware. And remember to have your child count while doing this chore. How many people are coming? How many of each item will we need? How many utensils will be on the table in all? Learning opportunities across disciplines abound in this preparation work!

Thanksgiving Day

Help with Food Prep: Food prep is often a favorite activity for Montessori students. They become young experts in peeling, chopping, pouring, and so much more. Allow your child to help with measuring and mixing, slicing (with a child-safe kitchen tool) and washing, or pouring and peeling. Remind your child to wash hands prior to doing any food prep, and provide some guidance, but be prepared to be surprised at how well they can manage many tasks in the kitchen!

Practice Grace and Courtesy: Prior to the arrival of your guests, coach your child in some of the social graces you expect of them. You might have your child collect coats as guests arrive or provide newcomers with a small tour of the main level of the house. Have your child introduce guests to one another, and practice some ‘conversation starters’ for your child to use. Share some memories about family and friends who will be joining you for the celebration, or put out some photo albums for your child to peruse with guests as a springboard to hearing old stories and making new lasting memories. At the dinner table, include your child in conversations by asking open-ended questions or encouraging your child to share some stories about school, friends, or special events.

Clean Up: Just as with setting the table, your children can easily assist with certain clean up jobs. Ask them to help clear dishes, wipe counters, or push in chairs. Transferring leftover items from serving dishes into storage containers is a great job for children to do. Whatever the task, allow your child to do the job to the best of his or her ability, and enjoy having the help!

When everyone is full, when all the work is complete, and when the busy-ness of the day winds down, take a few moments to reflect on all of the hard work that was done in order to create a special day for everyone to enjoy. Think about the ways in which your child was able to help and how he or she is growing, developing new skills, and gaining independence. Maria Montessori once said that “Joy, feeling one’s own value, being appreciated and loved by others, feeling useful and capable of production are all factors of enormous value for the human soul.” So before the day is done, share your reflections with your child, and remember to give thanks for it all!

Photo Credit: http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2677/4104214861_9f3e18b225_z.jpg

By: Alex Chiu

Let’s face it. Summertime is when we all take a little break. Whether it’s a vacation from work, time off from school, or a slight easing up on the usual daily routines, summer often finds us relaxing in one way or another at some point. And that’s a good thing! With our wound up, stressed out lives, we DO need to take a breather and enjoy the ‘dog days’ of summer while we can.

However, it’s important to remember that even in the summer, we must never allow ourselves, or our children, to take a break from basic human kindness, respect, and compassion. Actually, summer is a great time to focus even more on acts of kindness since it is for many a season that makes us naturally happier! As people are out and about, walking in parks, eating in the outdoor seating of restaurants, etc., we have a chance to connect with others even more. Let’s show our children how to make that connection positive, and how we can use this summer season to spread some joy.

Children in Montessori classrooms learn all about “Grace and Courtesy”— common, decent, kind interactions with others. They greet their teachers and friends with a kind word, handshake, and eye contact to start the day. They take care in how they move about the classroom so as to not disturb someone’s work on a table or rug. They learn the tried and true ‘Ps and Qs’ of saying, “Excuse me”, “Please”, and “Thank you”. They also learn conflict resolution and the art of making a genuine apology. It’s a part of the curriculum that’s as important as the academic subjects children learn. So, just as parents worry about ‘summer slump’ for their children in regards to math or reading, be sure to address your child’s social skills as part of your family’s summer lessons.

Here are just a few ideas of how to attend to your family’s own Grace and Courtesy skills this summer:

Greet people with a smile. As you walk through your neighborhood, greet others with a smile and extend a hello. Teach your children that while we must be safe regarding strangers, there is no harm in sharing a brief, kind greeting in passing when they are with a trusted adult.
Encourage your children to speak with community members. When visiting the library, encourage your child to ask the librarian where to find a certain type of book to practice exchanging conversation with others. If you see a police officer at a crosswalk, model for your child a “thank you for your service to our community” greeting and then have your child emulate that the next time you see a first responder.
Bring a sweet treat to your volunteer firefighters or first responders. Have your children decorate cards and bake cookies (or if it’s too hot to bake, stop by the local ice cream shop for a gallon of ice cream) to share with these hard-working community members.
Make a phone call to a far-away family member. Practice before you call! In this digital age, more and more children are learning to text and NOT learning the art of conversation. Keep this fine art alive by making a monthly call to someone special! Teach your children how to ask questions that elicit a response from the person on the other end of the line. And teach them to listen! Both are important skills in being gracious and kind.
Write a letter. Similar to phone calls, many of us have strayed from the tradition of letter writing. Still, most of us smile at the sight of a card or letter that’s not a bill in our mailbox! Share that feeling with someone you know who needs a little pick me up. Encourage your children to share a funny story, personal anecdote, or information about a family outing that the other person might like to learn about in the letter. And remind them to include some questions for their recipient in order to prompt him or her to write back! Then wait for a reply to come in the mail! Speaking of mail, why not greet your mail carrier with a cold drink on a hot day? Just another opportunity to perform an act of kindness and learn how to interact with a community member.
Maintain the expectation of kindness and respect in your own home. It’s easy for children to get too comfortable with parents, siblings, and other close friends and family members. However, EVERYONE deserves our respect and kindness, so make sure you model this for your children and maintain the expectation that they mind their ‘Ps and Qs’ with you, too! Even when there’s a disagreement, keep the Montessori spirit of Grace and Courtesy at the forefront of your interactions. It’s okay to disagree or to feel sad or angry, but the way we act when we feel this way is in our control and makes a difference in how others see us and how we find our place in the world.

While these words and actions are small and brief, they can have a positive impact on how your child interacts with others and grows in his or her capacity to be a kind, compassionate, contributing member of our world. So go on—enjoy the sunshine of the summer with a smile, and keep those social skills sharp!