By Polly Bliss, RN, CSN

We all know from Health classes at MCA that I reinforce with the children five important things to stay healthy: wash your hands, brush your teeth, take a deep breath, eat more fruits and vegetables, and exercise.  If you are in Elementary, we add #6, which is to go to bed and get more sleep.  Your children hear me repeat these reminders, and we sing songs about these things at the beginning of each Health class.

Well, now I have a list of five things to think about as we move through this pandemic.

Children look to adults for guidance on how to react to stressful events.  This is a tremendous opportunity for adults to model for children problem-solving, flexibility, compassion, kindness, and healthy habits as we balance work, household chores, school work, and keeping tabs on family.  Here are my top five recommendations for taking care of yourself and your family during this very stressful time:

1, Turn off the TV. The 24-hour news cycle is too much.  If you must, sit down and watch only the evening news or the morning news.  We all want to stay informed, but if the news makes you nervous or causes you anxiety, turn it off, especially before bed.  If your children see the news programs or the newspaper headlines, reinforce the things that you as a family have some control over.  Tell your children, “We are staying healthy by staying home.  We are staying healthy by washing our hands.  If we do go out, we wear masks so we don’t share our germs.”  Amidst the scary news, point out all the community helpers helping those who are sick and keeping us safe.  If your children saw long lines at the food pantry, let them pack up a few food items to donate and drop them off together.  Help your children understand some of the information that is shared in the news as appropriate.  For example, practice social distancing when you go for walks so your children know what the words ‘social distancing’ mean and what they need to do.  Show your children what 6 feet looks like with a piece of rope.  Keep telling your children why these things are important, why they work, and why they keep us safe.

2. Watch for signs of stress and anxiety in your home. Is your child regressing?  Had your child been sleeping through the night but now is coming into bed with you or having bad dreams?  Is your potty-trained child having accidents?  Stomachaches, headaches, a constant battle for your attention, or whining can all be signs that your child is stressed.  This is the time for extra one-on-one attention, snuggles, hugs, and love.  Keeping regular routines and schedules can be reassuring, calming, and can provide a sense of control.  Are your children worried about grandparents?  Let them call or video chat to reassure and connect with loved ones.  If you have to work outside your home, are your children worried about you going to work?  Tell them you are safe at work, and mention the things you do to stay safe.  Reassure your children that you are all doing whatever you can to make sure they are safe and that everyone will get through this together.  Is your child worried about getting sick?  Emphasize that most people who get COVID-19 get better, and remind your children of all the things they do to stay healthy.  Side note: Washing your hands, brushing your teeth, taking a deep breath, eating fruits and vegetables, exercising, and getting enough sleep all support a healthy immune system.  So all those things they’ve heard from Nurse Bliss really are important and helpful!  Offering guidance on what your children can do to prevent infection offers them a greater sense of control, and having some control reduces anxiety.  Recognize their feelings, and help them talk their way through negative or scary feelings.  Children often imagine situations as worse than what they are in reality, so offering developmentally appropriate facts can reduce fears.  Ask “What are some of the things you are worried about?” and “What can we do right now to make you feel better?”  How you discuss COVID-19 can either increase or decrease your child’s fear.  Touch base with your pediatrician if symptoms of stress or anxiety persist and ask for help if needed. If you have teenagers, pay attention to changes in mood, sleep, appetite, difficulty focusing, feelings of hopelessness, or excessive sadness.  If you see any signs of substance abuse, definitely seek help.  This is a particularly difficult time for that age.  Proms, graduations, college visits, driving, and their independence have all been taken away as we shelter in place.  Make sure they also have appropriate sources of COVID-19 facts, such as the NJ Department of Health and the CDC.  Social media is not the place to get the facts.

3. Take care of yourself. Remember the airplane lesson of putting your mask on first? The same analogy is true during a pandemic.  Acknowledge that this is hard.  It’s hard to go food shopping.  It’s hard putting three meals and snacks together every day.  It’s hard keeping your house clean when everyone is home.  It’s hard working from home all the time.  It’s hard going to work.  It’s hard losing your job.  It’s hard feeling the responsibility of keeping everyone healthy.  It’s hard taking care of extended family.  It’s hard when COVID-19 is in your house or if someone you love or know is in the hospital.  Give a little COVID kindness to yourself.  Remember not to put your health on the back burner either.  Many physicians’ offices are providing tele-health, and if you do need to go in and be seen, don’t put it off.  Offices are making it work by having you wait in your car instead of the waiting room, doing temperature checks, providing masks, and doing extra hand washing.  Pharmacies are delivering now as well.

4. Let it go. If you didn’t get any parenting awards today, let it go.  If you weren’t the perfect spouse today, let it go.  Try to turn the negative into a positive.  If you are stress baking and ate half of the brownie batter, turn it into a positive.  Say to yourself, “I made brownies for my family, and I helped my children learn fractions by letting them measure the ingredients!”  That’s Montessori Practical Life in the home!  If you lost your temper, that’s okay.  Who hasn’t?  Apologize and talk about how you would have handled it differently.  Model how to manage your feelings of anger and frustration.  Saying out loud how frustrated you are lowers frustration levels.  Telling someone you trust that you are stressed lowers stress levels.  Help your children put into words how they are feeling and describe what they are thinking about.   Let your children see you take some deep breaths to calm down and reset your nervous system.  Learning to calm down and manage stress and anxiety are valuable lessons your children will carry with them long after this pandemic is over.  Whether you like it or not, you are teaching your children how to cope with adversity, change, and stress.  Control what you can by keeping basic routines and healthy habits that work for your family.  Let go of the rest.

5. Lower the bar. So much stress and disappointment comes from unrealistic expectations. When normal schedules and routines are turned upside down, of course things will go wrong.  Now is not the time to strive for perfection when you have to wear so many hats.  There are some things that we just have to get through, and this pandemic is one of them.  Getting through is a huge success in and of itself, and perhaps that is the bar we should set—let’s just aim to get through this together!

None of this easy, but it helps to stay focused on what you can do to maintain a sense of calm and to reassure children that they are okay, and that this will get better.  It’s important for parents to assure themselves, too, that you are doing the best that you can with self care, moderation of media, keeping communication open, and looking forward to coming through to the other side once this crisis abates.  And it will.