How many of you started out 2020 by making a New Year’s Resolution? And be honest… how many of you by now have already discarded all hope of following through on that resolution? After holidays filled with excess (excessive eating, socializing, shopping, and more!), lots of people have grand notions of reigning it all in on New Year’s Day. Losing 25 pounds in a month. Exercising seven days a week. Burning the credit cards (well, maybe not quite that drastic, but you get the picture). We want a fresh start. We aim big. But by aiming too high, we can easily fall flat.
However, that doesn’t have to happen if we make our resolutions a little more realistic and manageable. Lose ten pounds by the start of spring. Add one new exercise routine to your schedule each week for eight weeks. Limit shopping expenditures by a certain amount each month. In order to start fresh, change our behavior, and stick to our goals, we can turn to countless resources to help us along the way—weight loss programs, smoking cessation techniques, fitness centers, and of course, our friends and family. We can read books, search the internet, or ask our friends who’ve reached goals we aspire to for advice, and then set forth on our path towards reaching the goals we’ve set. If we think about it, having a realistic goal feels good. It motivates us to move in a positive direction, gives us focus, and allows us to celebrate our accomplishments.
Children benefit from goal setting, too. Having goals teaches children about planning, perseverance, and positive behavior. It gives them a sense of control and responsibility for their actions and over their learning. Believe it or not, Montessori students, perhaps without knowing it, set and achieve goals almost daily. Many students enter their classrooms knowing exactly what work they want to do that day. Then, they go to the shelf, collect the work, perform the tasks, and voilà! They’ve achieved their goal! Or, a Montessori student might have been inspired by an older student using a certain material in a more advanced way in October, and then spends time observing to learn how it’s done, until one day in the spring, he or she tries it him or herself. Check—another goal met!
Goals can provide inspiration for trying new things or doing things in new ways. And like adults, children do best in their goal setting with some guidance to help them set attainable goals, develop a plan to achieve them, and support and cheer them along the way. Here are just a few ideas for setting goals with your children this year:
1. Explain what goals are. Merriam-Webster defines the word goal as “the end toward which effort is directed”. By this definition, our goals need to answer the questions “What effort do I want to make?” and “Why?” Equally important is considering the answer to the question “By what date (or in what timeframe) do I want to achieve my goal?” Especially for younger children, shorter-term goals may be best in starting to learn the skill of goal setting.
2. Share your own experiences in setting and achieving goals with your child. Having an example to follow is a great tool. Equally important is sharing any obstacles you faced along the way in reaching or falling short of your own goals. Knowing that there may be bumps in the road teaches your child that there will be challenges, but there are ways to work through those challenges with some planning ahead and support from others. Be sure that you share some simple, daily goals you might have. Note, it’s best if your examples show your child a specific goal that includes a timeframe you had for completing it. For example, you might share with your child that your goal for the day is to shovel the snow before the postal worker is due to arrive. A longer-term goal might be to read one chapter of a new book before bedtime every night until the book is finished. Or, maybe you aspire to learn how to make icing flowers for a birthday cake before Grandma’s 80th birthday in March. These examples of small, simple goals are just as important as sharing a larger goal you may have achieved, such as saving money over a period of time to take a special trip or learning a new skill. Both types of goals illustrate how goals are really part of our daily lives and motivate us to get things done!
3. Encourage your child to brainstorm possible goals. During the brainstorming, some of the ideas your child comes up with might be ‘out there’ and outrageous like “I want to fly to the moon!” Allow those to be shared (you never know—your child may aspire to be an astronaut and achieve that goal of flying to the moon in the future!). However, if there are absolutely no realistic goals on the list at the end of the brainstorming session, remind your child about some of your simpler, daily goals and some goals that your child may have already achieved unwittingly (like learning how to ride a two-wheeler or mastering cursive writing). Ask your child, “What is something you’d like to achieve or overcome?” See if they can verbalize some of their aspirations in terms of friendships, strengthening a certain skill, sports participation, or learning something new. And remember, the goal is the child’s goal for him or herself and not your goal for your child (you can have those, too, but for this exercise, we’re teaching children to set and work towards goals for themselves!).
Have your child consider the list and add to it with something reasonable and specific that might be a better option. You might provide some help in determining if the goal is something that your child does have control of, too. For example, a high school student whose goal is to ‘get into Harvard’ can certainly work very hard towards that goal, but ultimately, it’s the college admissions officer who determines whether the student gets in and the fate of the result lies not with the student but with the school. Instead, keep the goal within the framework of what the child can do and control, such as learning to play a song on the ukulele or trying to be less shy and more outgoing at birthday parties.
4. Write down the goal! This could be a fun art project. Write down the goal on poster board and have your child decorate it in any way she or he would like. Then keep the written goal up in a place your child will see it as a reminder of what she or he hopes to achieve. The poster could also be used as a tool for tracking progress (as you’ll see below in number 6)!
5. Make a plan. Some of your children, particularly Kindergartners and Elementary students, may have ‘work plans’ at school. These are used by students and teachers to organize the work children do in school and keep them on track with their progress through different materials and subjects. Similarly, a personal goal can be set up like these school work plans. Knowing what you want to achieve, setting a target date for achieving it, and then filling in the steps needed to work towards the goal are all part of the plan. This all doesn’t have to be written down, but these are important things to discuss with your child. Breaking a goal into smaller steps is helpful. Reaching each step in itself is an accomplishment that helps spur a child on to following through on whatever larger goal she or he has set.
This is also a good place to have your child consider what the challenges might be in working toward the goal. It might not be easy all the time, but knowing that ahead of time allows your child to prepare for the ‘what ifs’ and the difficult days. Be sure to remind your child that you are there to support him or her along the way. If appropriate, have your child consider who else might serve as a support in working towards the goal—a teacher, grandparent, librarian, or even YouTube tutorial videos? Knowing the resources available can also be part of the plan and pave the way towards success. Some runners training for a marathon use apps on their smartphones that provide training schedules, and they often enlist a running partner to help from becoming sidetracked or discouraged during their months of training leading up to the big day. Help your child think about resources that might help.
6. Celebrate every success along the way! Now, you don’t need to pull out that credit card here (remember the goal of cutting back on purchases?!), but it is important that you and your child acknowledge the successes your child meets on his or her journey towards reaching the goal that has been set. Positive encouragement in simply acknowledging that you’ve seen your child make an effort to work towards his or her goal might be enough! Or, perhaps have your child go back to the poster board with the goal written on it and add new decorations every time he or she has made some progress. This is very different from someone handing out a ‘gold star’. Instead, your child can take a moment to step back and reflect on what she or he has been working at and recognize the positive movement. It becomes an internal reward system of feeling good about what you’ve been doing. Remember those classroom work plans? The celebration is often being able to cross something off of the ‘to do’ list. That in itself is satisfying and rewarding, and it shows that progress has been made. These small celebrations also provide momentum for continuing on towards that end goal.
And once the goal is achieved, your child might celebrate by thinking up the next bigger goal that lies ahead!
For more information on children and goal setting, see these resources which also were used in compiling some of the information for this article:
Borba, Dr. Michele. “How to Teach Kids Goal-Setting and Perseverance”. US News & World Report. December 2017. https://health.usnews.com/wellness/for-parents/articles/2017-12-26/how-to-teach-kids-goal-setting-and-perseverance.
Cullins, Ashley. “4 Steps for Helping Your Child Set Effective Goals (Plus a Bonus Tip)”. Big Life Journal. December 2019. https://biglifejournal.com/blogs/blog/goal-setting-for-kids.
Evitt, Marie Faust. “7 Tips for Teaching Kids How to Set Goals (And Reach Them!)”. Parents Magazine. https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/style/how-to-teach-kids-perseverance-goal-setting/.