By Alex Chiu

Your spouse passes a dish from the dinner table to your son. You bring a tissue to your daughter when she is sniffling while watching TV. Your mother brings your child a birthday gift. As parents, our almost kneejerk response when any of these things occur is to immediately prompt our child with “What do you say?” Sometimes we do this even before the child has had a chance to process that someone has done something kind for him or her. But what do we really accomplish with that prompting? Generally, children will give the required “thank you” response you are seeking, but is there a real sense of gratitude behind those words?

To nurture a true grateful heart, we must make gratitude a daily practice with our children. It’s important for them to understand that there is so much we can be grateful for—big and small— and recognizing this at an early age helps children grow up with gratitude as a matter of course. Why is this important? Research indicates that having a sense of gratitude can help people reduce feelings of sadness, stress, and loneliness. In his article “7 Surprising Health Benefits of Gratitude”, author Jamie Ducharme outlines how gratitude can help people become more patient, reduce overeating, combat depression, improve relationships, improve sleep, and generally make you feel happier (Time Health, November 2017). And Ann Morin has her own list of seven benefits (seven must be a lucky number!), adding that gratitude can lessen aggression, improve empathy and self-esteem, and promote better physical and psychological health (“7 Scientifically Proven Benefits of Gratitude That Will Motivate You to Give Thanks Year-Round”, Forbes, November 2014).

So how can parents help their children (and themselves) learn the practice of gratitude? Let’s count some very simple ways to express gratitude at least four times throughout the day:

1. First thing in the morning: Begin the day by sharing one thing you’re grateful for that morning. Warm water to wash your hands, the sun shining, fuzzy pajamas, breakfast—model a sentence of gratitude and invite your child to think of what he or she is grateful for that morning.
2. On the way to school: Comment about one thing you see that makes you feel grateful. Recently, for me, it was having all green lights on the drive to school! But it could be anything—a car that functions, the beauty of the changing leaves, a favorite song that comes on the radio. A simple recognition of “I’m so grateful that song came on—it really brightened my mood!” is a great way to share your gratitude with your child.
3. At home after school: Express your gratitude to your child when he or she is helpful, kind, or considerate to you or any other family member. But be specific and add on to the usual “Thank you”. If your child remembers to put toys away before coming to the dinner table, you might extend your gratitude by saying “Thank you for remembering to clean up—that really helps me and shows me that you’re responsible and that you care about taking care of your toys and our house!” Invite your child to think about who has done something since coming home from school that he or she would like to thank.
4. At bedtime: Have your child share one thing about the day that he or she is truly grateful for—it could have been time spent with friends, learning a new skill or concept at school, the yummy dinner you made, snuggling with the dog, anything!

It may take some time for this habit to take hold, but if you take the initiative in sharing what you are grateful for on a regular basis, your children will very likely follow suit. And then the entire family can reap the many more than seven benefits of a grateful heart!

For a list of fun gratitude activities for the whole family, including how to make a ‘gratitude box’, some gratitude prompts, gratitude games, and even gratitude apps you can download, check out: https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/gratitude-exercises/

More information and resources on gratitude, including those used as references in this article include:
http://time.com/5026174/health-benefits-of-gratitude/
https://www.forbes.com/sites/amymorin/2014/11/23/7-scientifically-proven-benefits-of-gratitude-that-will-motivate-you-to-give-thanks-year-round/#13d897b9183c
https://tinybuddha.com/

And some lovely children’s books with a gratitude theme you might enjoy:
Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are? by Dr. Seuss
Giving Thanks: A Native American Good Morning Message by Jake Swamp
Splatt Says Thank You by Rob Scotton
Sylvester and the Magic Pebble by William Steig
Those Shoes by Maribeth Boelts